Bit By the Cropped Top Bug

"Let 'em all talk talk, Imma just ignore it.Hands on my heart you keep my fire burning".

               -Jessie J, Wild


I have found a new love! My cropped tops! I need them.They make me feel so amazing and sexy. Curvy girl cropped top movement is coming in strong and I am so very proud to say that I am a part of it!

Sweater: Grandmother's,Skirt: Forever21, Necklaces: Grandmother's, Beaded:Rebecca's Well, Chain Earrings: NewYork, Tights: DSW

Out of the box

"Let others lead small lives, but not you.Let others argue over small  things, but not you.Let others cry over small hurts,but not you.Let  others leave their future in someone else's hands, but not you."

Hey lovelies. So a couple of weeks ago I decided to be more of myself. You find more of yourself with time. You're forever an archaeologist, unearthing yourself. So I've been digging to say the least. And I realize that a lot of body issues for me,stem from restrictions, you know, what I can can and can't do, what I can and can't wear. Also known as, what looks good on everyone else's shape but mine. In that new light,I contemplated, researched plus size blogs,found inspiration, looked at my wardrobe, and got excited. I started to put together things and outfit ideas I only dreamed of wearing. (In another life,in another body,with another wardrobe,and better budget). But today I just decided to rock it, and I did so some weeks ago as well. These are my first pictures so take a look!

Hat: Forever 21, Cardigan: Marshalls, Lingerie: My own, Maxi skirt: H&M, Fringe Boots: Claires, Peacock Ring: Urban Outfitters, Necklaces: Thrifted

And I have to give props to my amazing photographer <3 Kristen!

Get Over Yourself

"You never really know. But when they know, you'll know.You know?"

             -Crush, Finding Nemo

Hey lovelies! This week,I am sorry to veer off into unmarked land, but it's an assignment. I recently wanted to watch Finding Nemo, so I did. I watched it on megashare.info. They have the most recent movies out to watch for free, no signup,no download, just click on the movie and watch it. It is an amazing website I am so glad I found. It satisfies my movie tooth. However, I decided to watch Finding Nemo. Throughout this movie I realized some underlying messages that the movie speaks to. One of my favorites is when nemo is in the fish tank and he's trying to get out of the tube.He gets stuck and the leader says, "get yourself out" when nemo asked for help. Nemo says, "I have a bad fin." And the guy says, "that's never stopped me." And he swims around to show him his bad fin, that is way worse than nemo's. So I say that to say that some people may have it worse than you and when you use your own deficiencies as a crutch, that only stifles you. It doesn't hinder them.They overcame it,or are attempting to. Get over yourself and get strong. Or moreso, get out of your own way. Nemo did and he not only got out of the tube but grew stronger out on his own. And so did Marlon, his dad. That's honestly all I got for this post. I like the movie and kept saying "fish are friends, not food" for weeks. Go see it if you haven't. It's a long movie but it's worth it. Bye!

New Year=Same Me,Different View Point

"Your duty is to your heart and to your well being. You can't do anything wholeheartedly if you don't do yourself justice first.So before you jump haphazardly into anything,trying to give your all.Make sure you give your all into this lifelong romance of loving yourself"

-Blair 

I start off this year looking at my body in a new way. After spending the first day of the year on plus size blogs, and then shopping not for things that make others feel okay with me, but shopping for things that make me comfortable with me, this has been a long time coming.

Dear Bellissma, (that's what I call my body)

I know we haven't been the closest for practically our whole lives, but I just want to start off with the fact that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I never stuck up for you.The fact that I abused you,with hateful laughter, disgraceful looks,baggy unflattering clothes, razors, and starvation. I looked at you and thought, I never ever want to be her. She's fat,black, and truly ugly. Everyone kept saying you were beautiful but I bullied you. I shut them out and turned you into a disbelieving, bitter, bitch. And I forced you into the arms of guys who didn't care about you.I flaunted you around them like you were fishing bait. A lot of fish in the sea they say, but little did I know or expect, you were never meant to catch fish honey. I'm sorry for selling you short. While all the other kids played, had little crushes, ate the pizza at the birthday parties, you were too busy worrying about how I was going to fit into Sunday's best.Yeah one leg would fit in the new junior's pants mom got from sears,but not the rest. For every time we went back into the dressing room,away from mom,we'd fight bitterly.Struggle internally,just to come out and hear those words; "oh hun I guess we'll need a bigger size".For every time I heard them I hated you more!I never had the name brands because they had no name for my size.All the kids had better clothes than me.My friend asked why we couldn't be matching twins one halloween.Well that's because I didn't get a chance to truly be a kid,shopping in the kid's section. I wished I could fit into halloween.Because in that time,it wasn't made for us.
I could never be a Disney princess until I was 14,because that's when Princess Tiana came out. But before,I hated your colors. I'm sorry that we loved chocolate,and I hated that I ate it too much and it colored me on the outside and made me blow up from the inside out. I look like my dad. I loved him but hated you and it made no sense but I was sure I had it.A perfect balance of self hate and origin love.
I know now, God gave me mercy and new eyes.His eyes.To see that you and me,we're stuck with each other.I need you.Without me,you're dead.Without you,I'm nothing but a soul who talks too much. We've been through so much together and we're encased in a lifelong bearhug,married by God,and I'm sorry I wished for a divorce all of these years.You are amazing, beautiful, chocolate, strong,lively,vivid,and striking.You can be sexy but keep that on wraps for the babes ;). I adore the body you've grown to become fully of war scars,love marks,and your own personal trails of life.There is no one like you and you are flawless.You deserve the absolute best from me,from life,and everyone around you.I rewrite my vows to you,not to hate you but to love you unconditionally until you turn back to dust.To give you the best of everything that I can,because you've grown up having the worst.To everyone that compliments you now,let the sun in.Let it shine on you and let their praises create a beautiful song around you that you play everyday.And when their song stops,please,please,create your own. We may not be the ideal or best body and soul for some,but dammit if we don't make it look good and happy.And happy. And happy.And free.I love you.

Forever Yours,
Bri

Slim Down For What ?!?

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned,or worn. It is the spiritual existence of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude."
-Dennis Waitley

Hey lovelies!How's everything kicking for ya?Recently I've just been talking to so many people and so many girls and some boys I know, just come to me saying that they just don't feel good enough. They are waiting until they lose such and such pounds, or look a certain way to do things and start living.To be perfectly honest,I used to think that senior year I'll come back really in shape and all the boys will like me. I wanted to get asked to prom by a really popular guy who doesn't notice me and who honestly isn't that nice of a person. But the point is,I wanted to live when I was thin.Not even when I was healthy,but when I was thin. But I noticed the more that I made these ideas based off of messed up fantasies, that I never committed to any of them because none of them were truly for me.I wanted to lose weight to make everyone ok with me and be attractive to people that don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. The more and more I thought about those things, the more and more things would into place. What I mean by that is, I wanted to hold off on doing really cool things and wearing fashionable clothes until I had my "new look". But things kept coming up and people kept making plans,and my now boyfriend and I kept getting closer as friends,and the boring clothes were sold out in the stores.(Literally I went into H&M to get a black dress and came out with a pure white dress with a mesh covering for my boobs and it shows me off in every way perfectly,and only $15,the black dress was $24.50). It was as if God was saying, I MADE YOU PERFECT FOR LIFE THE WAY YOU ARE! Stop using these excuses of trying to be what the world wants and be who I want and need you to be. I didn't put you here to bum around and wait for a life I've already given you. I heard him loud and clear. I couldn't run from it.Life is here.Life is happening,awakening and dying around you.Jump in yours before it dies right before your eyes. You'll turn into a skeleton while waiting to live until you're as skinny as a skeleton!I don't know about you, but I'm not going out like that.I will be the liveliest fat lady you've ever seen before I let "wishing upon a size" keep me sitting and waiting.Live for today and be happy with you.It's the only body and this is the only life you will live.

(I'll upload the picture of the dress soon) ;)

Middle finger to the old life

" You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself,and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection"

-Buddha 

Hey lovely people. As I am writing this I am listening to "Shake It Off" by Florence & the Machine.This song has always made me feel like throwing my arms open wide and just taking in a breath as huge and life-filled as the earth itself. It creates a euphoric feeling of peace and sunshine mixing in the atmosphere and I take it all in. I mean, why shouldn't you feel good about life?Why is it wrong to go around being happy with yourself and your life? I don't get it.Breathing? (check) Moving? (check) Loving? (double checks)...then what the hell is there to be angry about?You get another day! You didn't wake yourself up.You didn't start your own heart. I would've ceased both previous actions some time ago,but I didn't because I can't. I'm here, you're here and that's amazing. Be grateful for it.

Ellen's take on this issue

So around this time,you know it's winter shopping time and that time to put those super revealing summer clothes away. Well I'm a bit late on that but before my body revolution I used to wear unflattering things that made me look a billion times bigger than I actually was. I always wanted to spend my money on Abercrombie, Hollister, American Eagle Outfitters,Aerie,etc. But when I went shopping in these stores, (except AEO), they would go up to a large and that wouldn't fit on my thumb! But there is a reason for that. The owner of Abercrombie said that the clothes don't cater to the "fat unpopular kids". He only wants the "skinny popular jocks" wearing his clothing.So I stopped longing to shop there because if you do,then you're forcing yourself into their clothes, further shaming yourself and giving your money to someone who is against you loving your body and wearing their clothes. You're paying all of that money to fit into something not only not made for your body but not made for you as a person. To that I say:eff that, ain't nobody got the money for those pieces of scrap material thrown together. I don't know what YOU think, but my curves ARE popular.Get with the program Hollister and the others. Weight discrimination is real.Fight it!

You can take on the world you know that right?

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."
-Marcel Proust 

 I love to travel. I love packing and getting on a plane,bus,car, broom, whatever. I love seeing new places and going everywhere. As a curvy girl growing up in the hood, not a lot of people told me I could learn so many languages,go out of the country,reach my dreams, even succeed in school. I was teased and not well liked. I was never the girl who had guys crushing on her. I was always the best friend of that girl...her fat ass shadow. I was a guys girl, hanging out and play fighting with the guys and playing tag. No one ever told me it's okay to be the way I am so I didn't accept myself and I thought, since I was too big for the junior section in Sears, I was too big for my dreams...in a bad way. I never knew that I would learn japanese and end up going to japan. No one I knew or grew up with had even been to los angeles, never mind japan!

Going to japan has broadened my horizons and made me look at myself in a different light. I realized, I AM too big for my dreams. I should be dreaming even bigger! You wouldn't force yourself into too-small jeans, so don't put yourself into a too-small-for-you dream. You deserve to find pants that fit you as well as a mind that can fully grasp who you are and form your dreams around that version of you. The bigger than life version of you. You can take on the world and succeed! You have that power! Don't let people tell you what you can and can't do. Don't give them that power to tell you who you are.you know you.they don't know what you're made of until you show them. Can you imagine #thatPOWER ?

I used to feel some type of way about how all my friends had gaps betwixt their thighs and I didn't. I started to hate my naturally muscular legs. But I have to remember, these legs help me walk, not them. They support me. These legs have hiked a mountain in Japan for four hours. These legs have walked 20 miles last May. These legs have ran miles. These legs are strong. So am I. So I don't care about that anymore, but sometimes things get to me about my body. And I have to remember-- my body is MINE. It can't be yours, it can't be any one else's but mine. And I'm grateful.So take the time to appreciate yourself and instead of shaming yourself,appreciate what your body does for you everyday. Take on this world.Let it explode!People will appreciate your confidence because a lot of people front, but they really aren't confident. You attract the type of people you do based on the type of person you are and  who you choose to show to the world.

Us hiking throwing the gates at Fushimi Inari Shrine

Artistically blurry me walking in the street

Us with the fifth graders at Utano Elementary School

Me at Kinkoji Temple ("the Golden Temple")
It is actually gold...they got it like that

sorry it's sideways,I can't find a way to rotate it.
Me and our meditation teacher our first day

Kyoto from above,taken near the top of Fushimi Inari (the mountain we climbed)

You KNOW I have eat.I love ramen.
(Japanese authentica style,not the packaged american-kill-you-kind)

Me walking enjoying the rain on the streets of Kyoto